One day I’ll have a travel story that is not ghetto AF, until then though, here’s my trip to Cancun, Mexico.

It was for my cousin’s wedding. They had decided to have it at The Dreams Riviera. An all-inclusive nice ass resort in Cancun, Mexico.

This was back in October of 2014.

A little Preface to this story: at this time in my life, I had just moved back in with my dad, in between jobs (I had one but it didn’t count because I didn’t make shit for money), and had recently started dating a guy I knew from high school (soon to be my babies-daddy), who worked at Big-5 Sporting Goods. Needless to say, we weren’t exactly rolling in the dough.

Anyways, I invited him to come. Both of us were broke. We couldn’t afford to stay at the resort everyone else was but after selling my washer and dryer, I got close enough. The first night we stayed at an Airbnb, hosted by Rommel Eduardo Gallegos.

It was actually kind of cool. Nothing horrible of note.

The rest of the 4-night stay was in a cheap-ass motel called  Hotel Hacienda Morelos, which was about a 10-minute walk down the beach from everyone else.

I had never been passed Tijuana and never spent the night in Mexico, but I know I would not want to sleep in the sheets of a motel this cheap in America, so I sure as shit aint doing it in Mexico. So, I did bring my own sheets. This was my smartest move I made, but still in vain. You’ll see why.

The first day we were there we had my aunt meet us on the beach and walk with us back into Dreams. This was to fool the “bouncer” dude that stands guard at the beach entrance. This resort doesn’t require you to wear bracelets to prove you’re a guest, they just guard everything. It turns out though, we had such a big group there that seeing Gami and I with them, gave us a free pass.

We’d walk up to the resort every morning, spend the whole day eating and drinking for free, then walk back to our roach motel to sleep. I’d even go to my aunts room to order room service and shower sometimes lol.

The night of the actual wedding was a shit show. Well, I was a shit show the wedding was perfect.

I don’t know what time it was but it was dark and well into the reception, when Gami and I got into a fight. I was wasted and couldn’t find him.

I decide to get a cab and go back to my motel. I start trying to tell him where I’m staying but I don’t remember the name of it and I’ve only ever walked the beach to get there. And I’m drunk AF.

About 10 into this perilous journey, going God-knows-where, I realize I don’t have my phone or purse (aka money or help).

I suddenly remember a story I heard on one of those crime shows about this American chick who got kidnapped by the cartels, turned over to sex-trafficking, then was murdered and her body stuffed with drugs and put in the back of a cab, to be smuggled across Mexican borders.

I started bawling.

All the sudden we arrived at some sort of cab base. There were taxis everywhere. It was dark and my eyes were filled with water – I just remember seeing all these guys huddled together smoking and blurry lights…

It is at this point I truly lost my shit.

Panicking, I started sobbing and wailing I’m going to die over and over… I jumped out of the cab…. The driver keeps yelling, “Señorita! Señorita! Come here – Señorita!”

I’m thinking: So, you can hand me over to the cartel? Fuck that!

But after about 30 sec I realized there was nowhere to go that I would have a better chance of not becoming a human drug mule.

His pleas for me to get back in the car, finally pay off. I get back in the car and begin to quiet down. Still gasping for air but not completely hysterical anymore…

Me: I only know how [gasp for air] to get to my [gasp] motel by walking [gasp, gasp] the beach….

And you know what that mofo did? He drove my ass back to the beach, then walked with me, down the beach, and to the motel (where my future ex-husband was sleeping peacefully). No shit.

I gave the driver our bottle of Tequila and thanked him about 87 times.

The day before we left, I woke up with red bumps on my hips and legs and my feet had like thousands of red, stinging bumps all over them – it was horrendous! I’m thinking it was either Contact Dermatitis or Sand Fleas…or Bed Bugs… or a combination of all…

One thing I do know though, is that it fucking hurt and I literally had to walk barefoot all through the airport because it hurt too bad to put shoes on.

When I got home, I quarantined my luggage and crap in a plastic bag for like 3 months. The rash itself went away in like a week or two on its own but it was no bueno.

I guess my advice is to stay at a nice place when traveling abroad and wear shoes!

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NOTES

• I am white AF and did not wear sunscreen and I didn’t even get a tan. October/November is like their winter.
• We got a taxi from the first place we stayed, to the final destination. Not suprising, I forgot my phone and realized it about 3 minutes into our trip down the highway. The taxi driver flipped a bitch and drove the wrong way on a 1-way freeway to get back to where we were. DONT rent a car in Mexico lol.
• It is common to see guys with automatic weapons standing in front of random stores.
• I got offered cocain and pineapple on a stick from the same random guy on the beach.