My plane was leaving at 1:27 (boarding at 12:47). The plan was to have Xander go to school on Friday, as normal, me go to work a bit early and leave to go pick up Xander by about 10 am. That would get me to the airport at about 11:30 am. It was a nice plan.
By Thursday, I hadn’t packed anything yet and had a FB Dating- date. I ran home after work, threw some clothes in the washer, and started getting ready.
We met at like 7, had a bottle of wine and ate a little bit, and I got home at around 9-9:30… shit.
I needed some energy, so I bust out the vodka, turned up the music, and started getting down to business.
I know I was still drunk texting people at 1:30 am because my neighbor commented on my ability to function with no sleep the next day, so I checked my phone Ha. Function lol…yeah.
Day 1: The Flight. My Birthday.
I woke up at about 7 am, in my clothes, with my Alexa still blasting. I work at 8 and my commute is about 45 minutes.
Well, there goes that plan.
It was pointless for me to go in now. Plus, I honestly wouldn’t want to go fly into San Diego with no shower and only half the shit we need. So, I text my boss and went back to sleep.
I finally forced myself to get up and take a shower. Then started fixing all the bags I packed drunk.
I was about to leave and remembered I needed to take the sub out of my jeep so no one would steal it at the airport. It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. I left by about 10:45.
Went to Xander’s school. He was (of course) on recess so it took like 15 minutes to get him out. Then I realized how dehydrated I was, so I went to McDonalds and got a diet Pepsi and water.
When I finally put the airport into Google maps, it had me arriving at 12:20. I had never parked my vehicle at the airport before, but I had a feeling it would take more than 20 minutes and security takes at least 20 minutes to get through… valet parking it was!
I went to PDX’s Gold Key Valet website and put in my information (yes, while driving).
When I pulled up at 12:19, it was a lot easier than I thought. He had my info ready and all I had to do was confirm my return time and give him the key.
I rushed Xander and our 14 bags through the airport and TSA security and to our gate, apparently way too fast. They weren’t even boarding yet. So, we sat on the floor for 20 minutes while Xander and I repeated –
Xander: We need to get on the plane.
Me: I know but we can’t yet.
-At least 18 times.
It was a small plane and at 100% capacity. We were in the very last row. Xander got the window and some dude on my other side had the aisle seat.
My kid’s kind of an adrenaline junky so I wasn’t surprised that he loved the takeoff. He did really good overall. We did have a couple hiccups, however.
The first, was totally my fault.
The captain announces that we were starting our decent. I noticed Xander was moving in his seat, and I blurted out – do you have to pee?
Then I realized this was a really bad time and I tried to renege, asking if he could hold it- we’re almost there!
Of course, he couldn’t.
As soon as we get in the bathroom, the seatbelt signs came on. And he can’t pee.
I’m assuming its because it was so loud in there, or maybe the turbulence, that he couldn’t relax, so I tried to calm him down, while holding him upright so he didn’t fall over as we’re descending into San Diego.
I start to get frustrated and tell him he can pee in a few minutes when we land… he starts bawling. Shit.
About 15 minutes later, he pees.
We sit back down, and his ears start hurting him. I tell him to swallow, and he mimics me, but I don’t think he actually swallows. He gets frustrated and starts cry-whining.
We landed. He was over it.
We follow signs for “rental cars”, which take us on a bus, which takes us like 5 miles out, through barbed-wire-cyclone-fence gates and shit and to this car-rental-mall.
I walk in and Xander starts running around, hitting their signs and poster boards. I end up having to swat him in the ass in front of 14 employees to get him to calm down.
The Hertz dude asks me for my license.
Okie-doke.
Or not.
I forgot it at home. I had my passport and a picture of my license, but no license.
FML. Good thing I filled up ¾’s of my carry-on with a fucking booster seat.
We go grab a taxi.
Thank God our motel was only about 8 minutes away. We get there and they ask if it will be cash or card. I didn’t know you could pay for a motel with cash. Interesting.
Anyways, the place is a POS. Clean(ish), but a POS. There’s no fridge, blow dryer, like one towel…. Whatever.
I order us some pizza, a bottle of vodka, lime, and a liter of soda water, then we go down to the pool for a bit. All the above was delivered within 20 minutes. I’m loving this place!
After that, we head over to Mission Beach, which was about an 8 min Uber ride. It was gorgeous there, I absolutely loved it. And so did Xander. We got in the ocean and every time he got his by a wave he laughed hysterically and started speaking in tongues lol.
We saw a whole bunch or dolphins or whales or some shit. I could see their dorsal fins bobbing in and out of the water but couldn’t quite make out what they were.
I have to say, I have traveled around quite a bit and been to some nice beaches but San Diego has to be my favorite thus far. Absolutely perfect weather. Not too hot, not too cold. Ocean was amazing. NO BUGS!!! I only got one mosquito bite the entire time I was here and that’s rare in warm climates – especially by water.
Day 2: SeaWorld
We get to SeaWorld at about 10 am. Again, about an 8-minute Uber ride. After about 45 minutes, it becomes apparent that Xander’s getting tired (his allergies are killing him) and he’s getting hot and is going to burn.
I ran into a stroller rental booth. That was the best decision I made the entire trip. $30 for a double and it was easy as shit to push and kept him shaded and contained.
As we went from one animal to another, I started noticing an annoying pattern – they had ropes, blocking people from getting within 10-15 feet of the glass, in which you could see the animals. It was BS. I went on their website and found out that you had to pay an additional $70 -$200 for about 10 min. behind the ropes. What a fucking rip-off.
The coolest part for me was the Orca show, which I didn’t think they had anymore. They didn’t ride them or anything, but the 5 or 6 killer whales participating, did splash the shit out of us!
Xander was not impressed. He was very irritated actually, that the whale had the nerve to wet his clothing.
“They are expensive!”, he says.
Hahahahaha shit, what have I done to this child? Lol
We are exhausted, my feet hurt, and my POS “bra”-thing has my boobs feeling 3 inches lower than they were the day prior, so we leave at about 4 pm to take a break. Xander takes a shower, then passes out.
At about 7 we head over to Mission Beach to find me some shoes and some tit support. I went back to this adorable shop I bought a swimsuit cover-up from on Friday called The Bikini Shop. I find some new sandals and a bikini top – and Wala- I have cleavage again and I can walk!! Hallelujah.
We go jump in the ocean again, which was a mistake. Have you ever had a dog that would find a warm spot on the pavement, plop down to bask in the sun, and just decide it wasn’t going anywhere? Well that’s basically what Xander did.
It takes all my sanity to get enough sand off him to be allowed in a vehicle. Then, we call another Uber and are back at SeaWorld by about 8 pm; just so Xander can go on the “Princess Tower”, as he so named it. Took us 1.5 hours to go on this princess POS. Then we stopped by a rave real quick so Xander could let out some steam, then we left. Back to the hotel and to sleep.
Day 3: Our Return
Checkout was at 11am. Our plane left at 8:55 pm. I had quite a window to fill… with no car… and limited funds… and a crazy 6-year-old…
I got on Groupon and started searching. I decided we’d rent a Kayak. I told Xander.
Xander: No, I don’t want to get a Kayak. That’s boring.
Me: 😊 You can’t escape – it’s perfect!!
I asked the Motel 6 manager if I could leave my bags there for a few hours and she was fine with it. So, I gave her my bottle of vodka that I only took like 1 drink out of, and we ordered yet another Uber and headed to La Jolla.
It reminded me of a warm, surfer version of Seaside, Oregon. Condensed little tourist town full of tours and shops. The place we rented the Kayak from was Bike and Kayak Tours Inc – La Jolla. It took us about 20 minutes to find wetsuits that fit (which I got to help with getting sunburnt, which I already was).
While we were trying ours on, I see 2 dudes in a tour group and those fuckers had their wetsuits on inside-out AND backwards!!! Lol I almost died.
Anyways, I ask were we get the Kayaks (since were not in a tour group) and they tell us to go out of the shop, make a right, then look to red shirts.
Well, I made 1 too many rights, taking us on the scenic route, but we finally made it.
If you’ve ever been on a double, sit-in kayak, you know they’re pretty stable. It’s pretty hard to flip those fuckers. I have a single one and still haven’t managed it. So, I decided to take my purse. Fuck it. I’m not that stupid.
Lol.
I found this out once already when I was paddle-boarding in Hawaii –
Land masses in oceans are farther than they appear.
We eventually got over to where the sea lions and caves were, but I busted through about 6 blisters to do so. If you can imagine, Xander wasn’t too helpful, so I was rowing the shit out that thing.
It was freaking cool though. The caves were amazing (though we weren’t allowed to go in without a tour guide), there was these bright orange fish everywhere, and we got within a few feet of these huge-ass sea lions. The laziest of the bunch’s name was “Moe”. I heard the tour guide talking about how their rental store got broken in to and trashed. When they looked at the camera footage, they discovered Moe, just having the time of his life. There’s even a mug shot of the wall lol.
We were rowing parallel with the beach, about 5 meters away, when I see a wave coming in on my left. Assuming that would not be good, I panicked and quickly started trying to turn the kayak –
Side Note: Now I consider myself a fairly experienced kayaker. I own one for shits sake. But that’s in a lake. And I’m just about to find out the difference.
– when we flipped. Xander disappears on the other side and a rush of panic went over me. For a split second, I just imagined him stuck under the boat, drowning – scared the living shit out of me!
I push the boat out of the way and dive over to grab him. He’s ok. Was starting to cry and I told him he did a good job.
Xander: Mama, you saved me!!
As I’m thinking, “actually, your life jacket saved you child but I’ll take it”, he starts smiling lol.
Then I figure out I can stand up in the water. Its about waste deep lol.
My bag – shit!!!
I grab it and set in on the kayak. It’s a heavy-duty canvas material, filled with water, and now weighs about 40 lbs.
One of the tour guys shows up and flips the kayak back over for me, dumping my purse back in the water.
He grabs it and comments on the weight.
Once we drag our sorry-asses back on shore, It dawns on me what was in the bag: my PHONE, GoPro, passport, CIGGERETTES, our dry clothes…GD! I look over and Xander has ripped off his life jacket and is running toward the ocean again.
Obviously, he wasn’t too traumatized.
It takes me about 15 minutes and a swat on the ass to wrangle him in.
It’s like 3:30 pm. I only need to entertain the child for another 4 hours. Shit. I would have just let him play in the ocean the rest of the day but he would have been burnt to all hell. He may be half Mexican but he’s whiter than my ass.
We walk back to the rental place and change into our soaking wet clothes.
Walk to a store and buy cigarettes. Lighters wet. Walk back to store and buy a lighter. Take a couple drags then go get my beast mode some pizza and myself a beer and start trying to dry my phone, passport, cash…
My phone was still working, thank God, so we get an Uber back to the motel. I walk up to the front desk to ask for my bags and I stopped. I nearly had a stroke.
I didn’t.
Yes, I did. I left my bag that I had put my passport and GoPro in, in the Uber. I go into the app and attempt to call him about 84 times and his phones off. I get a hold of support but they also are getting voicemail. I need my passport to board my plane that leaves in 3 hours.
We walk to a restaurant and I’m already freaking out and Xander loses his shit and goes complete Tasmanian devil on me. I almost beat him like 5 times in that restaurant. At one point, I look him dead in the eyes and as serious as humanly possible, tell him “If you do not stop, I am going to get on the plane and leave you here!” He laughed at me and started running around again.
A bottle of wine and about an hour later, the driver calls me. 10 min later, he brings my shit to me. Then we head to the airport.
You would think this shit show of a night had to be over, but no. That wouldn’t be “summer” enough.
So, I had mentioned my phone still worked, and it did. But it also wouldn’t charge. It said “moisture detected” blah blah blah and soon thereafter, died. Wasn’t worried about it until we arrived and PDX at 12:15 am and I go to get my Jeep from valet.
Lady: That will be $105.
Me: Okay-shit.
My card had quit working the day prior (I think it was flagged as fraudulent or something), but it worked through Apple Pay, so I had just been using that. But my phone was dead.
Long story short, the lady took a car, to her car, got her card, and paid the $18 left that I couldn’t pay.
We got to bed at around 2 am (had to get up for work at 5:30).
Self-Reflection Time
Though it probably doesn’t sound like it, I actually had a great time. I’ve come to the conclusion, that some chaos keeps life from getting boring. I think I almost crave it. It must be the best I can do for “excitement”, while being a mom and having a limited budget.
I wonder if I went sky diving once a month, that’d satisfy my need for a thrill enough that I’d all the sudden get my shit together and adult like everyone else??
… I doubt it.
A Single White Female 
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