It’s been a week. I started a new job, which pays a lot more, but i also now have to deal with Portland traffic, not to mention get up at 4:30 am and dont get home at 5:30 or 6pm.
Thursday nights I don’t have my kid so it’s been a long-running tradition to stay up until 1am drunk -cleaning my house. Fridays can be brutal but this one was extra special.
On a positive note, I didn’t have to work at Applebee’s for once and I didn’t have the kid.
A lingering ex-boyfriend of mine calls me out of the blue and wants me to go to Club Pravada: he has a thing for PDA. Well, PDA probably doesn’t quite cover it but nonetheless, I was not in the mood for that shit.
Driving home in my jeep, top down, I could feel my skin tanning. It was the most relaxing shit-traffic I’ve ever been in.
All the sudden I wanted to go camping.
Fuck fanny-pack (that’s what we call the ex), I’m going camping!
I throw my kayak and a bunch of random shit in the jeep and am on the road by 7:30pm.
About 45 min. into the road trip, I hit up a buddy and asked if he wanted to go.
No, he wants me to stay there and drink beers with him.
Um, no.
I’m on one, and that one, is a mission!
So, I borrow his fishing pole and continue on my journey.
Detroit lake was packed, of course. I don’t know if any camp grounds had room but I’m not a fan of those anyways. I head on up some old logging road, hoping my favorite spot wasn’t taken.
It was.
And so was the next. And the next. And the next spot. Fuck!
I finally said fuck it and picked a random spot of the side of the road. It was literally the shittiest spot I could have ever picked. I swear sometimes that my instincts are somehow against all things rational.
It was like a rocky hillside. For reals.
It’s almost 11pm when I start setting up my shit.
Now I have been all over the world alone and never did I turn tweaker status like this. I didn’t know if I was going to get ravaged by bears or hillbilly’s but I knew one of them was going to get me!
I had my gun loaded and in hand almost the entire time. I kept my headlights on bright, lit every candle I brought, started my propane porch heater and lit a fire in feeble attempt to light shit up so I could see what was watching me. I got so paranoid I couldn’t even bother with my tent so I used my single person “bug tent” and started throwing everything in it and jumped in and zipped her up. It was then I realized I didn’t have my gun anymore.
Now, I know how stupid and irrational this was and I knew it then too, but I couldn’t help it – I literally left my gun outside all night cause I was too freaked out to leave my “tent”. And by tent, I mean not a tent…. more like a large sheer curtain panel with wire in it. I was totally safe in there.
I didn’t sleep more than 30 min total.
Everytime I started to drift off, I was awoken by sniffing noises right by my damn ears. I swear to God it’s what I heard.
I laid there wondering if it was really getting light or if I was just imagining it. I didn’t want to grab my phone and check because that would require me to move and that may alert the monsters outside.
As soon as the birds let out their first chirp, I jumped up and threw everything, as it was, back in the jeep and sped off to town.
I needed coffee and a cigarette like nobody’s business but nothing was open.
So I went fishing for an hour.
Didn’t catch anything but it was nice and peaceful.
I went back to the little Detroit market, got a breakfast sandwich, coffee, and ciggs, then headed to the boat launch.
This is the good half of my trip. The part where I live the day happily ever after.
It was fucking perfect outside. I went kayaking over to the island in the middle of the lake. I’ve always wanted to go there but I’m always with people and its not something they ever wanted to do.
Of course, it looked a lot closer than it was but it wasn’t bad. It took me about 30 min to get there and about 20 back.
When I got to the island, I of course, immediately start scouring the ground for rocks. Because a trip wouldn’t be a trip if I didn’t bring rocks back! lol
Anyways, I start hearing this bird chirp. Then it gets louder. And more frequent. I look over and this mofo is dropping it like its hot – its definitely peacocking! And sure enough, here pops into view another bird, but it’s not a mate, it’s a rebellious, ungrateful little shit of a child. Or is she just a helicopter mom?
Mommy bird: Get back here this instant!! Where are you going?? Are you blind? Do you not see that beast standing over there pointing that device at you!!?? Jr!! Come here now!!
Jr.: No mom! I can’t take it anymore, Im going places. I’m going to see the world, you cant stop me!
Mommy bird continues pleading for a couple minutes, then says fuck it and leaves.
Jr.: Im going all by myself and you can’t – oh shit, what was that!?? Mooooooom! Mooooom where are you!? Im coming home! Wait for me!!
That’s seriously what went down, not even joking. I have it on video.
A little while and a couple pounds of rocks later, I paddled back and started heading home.
I literally packed my camp, went fishing, ate breakfast, went kayaking and bird watching already, and was heading home and it was only 9:30am.
Well shit, that was a productive day I’d have to say.
A Single White Female 
One thing I didn’t mention is the police officer calling me incessantly… and later finding out someone had my license and was using it to cash fraudulent checks.😤 tweakers!
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