It’s actually pretty badass: you put in your airport and adjust filters to meet your needs and Voila!! It’s a huge map with flights costs to like all destinations around the world.
I notice a price over in Africa for like $700…. It’s Cairo, Egypt and the dates are in a few weeks. I yell across the office “Hey guys! I think I might go to Egypt!!” … they just start laughing.
The next night I bought the tickets. I went in to work the next day and I yell across the office “Hey guys! I’m going to Egypt!!”. I think they genuinely might have questioned my sanity there for a minute. They probably still do, actually.
The even cooler thing, besides going to fucking Africa, was the fact I had an 8-hour layover in Paris- Freebie!!!!
Now it’s time to get my shit together. I needed to get a replacement Passport, because I lost mine in New Orleans, I think I needed a Visa, then there are insurance requirements, etc.…(not to mention everybody kayaking about covid restrictions and I wont be able to do shit, blah blah blah…). Oh, and I needed to find lodging and apparently needed that information for the Visa… I needed to learn Arabic (no big deal)… and tell my Dad I was going to fucking Africa by myself (funsies).
It would probably be a good time to quit smoking as well, seeing as I wont be able to for like a day in a half (flights + in airports) going there and back. Well, shit.
Did I need to get like 3rd world vaccines/shots before I go??
I must admit, I was a little nervous about the passport. I didn’t have much time and people were telling me I needed to drive to Seattle, or I wouldn’t get it in time. However, I did. With time to spare. I did include my Trip Date on the application, and I know they take that into consideration. The only expedited service I added to it was the expedited shipping (vs. snail mail). I remember checking the website daily and starting to freak out when 2.5 weeks later, it still didn’t even appear to be received! Then few days later, it arrived.
The Visa was super-fast and easy. Though after looking at the current requirements, it seems to have slightly changed. It requires photos now.
The US Embassy website is super helpful. They even have “Tip Sheets” for specific locations and you can register your travel with them and they’ll send you any travel alerts you may need regarding the location you’re at.
The Egyptian embassy website mentioned a requirement of “Proof of Health Insurance”. I requested a letter from my insurance, which I received, but never needed.
As far as Covid-related requirements, I had to have a negative covid test that was within 36 hours of my LAST departing flight. My route to Egypt went: Portland to LA to Paris to Egypt. That meant I had about 1 day to get a test and receive the results. I don’t like those kinds of windows for error, but I had no choice. I scheduled an Express PCR test at Walgreens for the day before my flight at like 10 am. They provide them at the airports, but I wasn’t going to wait there for 8 hours to get the results.
Note: they only accept a physical copy, not an email, etc.…
Now, for learning Arabic. I downloaded like 3 different apps and utilized the free trials. I got Rosetta Stone, PIMSLEUR, and Babble, I think… I ended up preferring Pimsleur, though I’m too fucking old to learn a new language. And speaking Arabic gave me cotton mouth.
I learned how to say I’m American and reference/address he’s/she’s. Impressive, I know.
I did not need anything as far as shots go.
So, where the hell should I stay?? Busted out my Google skills.
Honestly, none of them looked that nice. Even the expensive ones. The all kind of reminded me of the Nugget in Reno (70’s patterns and musty smelling). I also Googled “best hostels in Cairo” and read a lot of articles about them. I had such a good experience at one in New Orleans, I couldn’t help but be tempted. My coworkers were adamant that was a terrible idea, which I wont lie – when I said it out loud, it did sound stupid (but then again, it may have just been the same “hostel”….stupid fucking name).
I would book a hotel
Then book a hostel
Change my hotel
Change the hostel
Book another hotel
… basically until I was like –
“Summer, you need to pick one before you forget what you’ve booked and end up paying for fucking multiple places!“
Every-time I Googled hostels in Cairo, The Australian Hostel always came up as the best “Party” hostel and “great for solo travelers” so I was like fuck it- can’t beat $14/night and Australians are hot, right??
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| Note the Photo. I got that exact room. Misleading is an understatement (i’ll show you later on lol) |
I would find out later, there were no Australians there lol
The last thing on my pre-trip checklist was to get something setup for Paris. Yes, Paris Layover Tours is a thing! But is it during Covid? Kinda. I sent an email to one of the websites I found that do these, and got in contact with some chick. We briefly discussed some of the logistics (all I really remember was that I should call when I get there). I also remember receiving an email from her when I was at LAX but was a little intoxicated and if I responded, it wasn’t what she was looking for. But, we’ll get to that.
One cool thing about International flights, is you get a bunch of free shit, you would otherwise have to pay for, such as checked baggage. I got 2 free! You would think that was awesome, until you had to drag all the shit around with you: and believe me, checked or not, you drag the shit around A LOT. I brought more shit than I needed because I could and I regretted it instantly. My last flight home I had upgraded to first class and couldn’t even enjoy because my back hurt so fucking bad from carrying this shit everywhere. I literally was kicking my shit through the customs line at LAX and through the terminals like a fucking weirdo throwing a fit.
PACK LIGHT SUMMER. PACK LIGHT SUMMER. PACK LIGHT SUMMER. PACK LIGHT SUMMER.PACK LIGHT SUMMER. PACK LIGHT SUMMER.PACK LIGHT SUMMER. PACK LIGHT SUMMER.PACK LIGHT SUMMER. PACK LIGHT SUMMER.
So, it’s now the day before my flight. I go to work. Kind of maybe work (mostly just printing off all my shit that I’m going to need). I made sure I had all the maps to the airports and contact info I needed, all securely taped into my Travel Journal thing and am out the door by 9:30 am to go get my Covid test. I pull up to Walgreens (takes fucking 30 min to get through the line) and they start typing in my name.
Then they ask me to spell it.
Then respell.
Then type some more…
“Ma’am, you’re appt. was yesterday at 10am”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“No ma’am I’m sorry”
“Cant’ I just take one right now?? I have to I have a flight tomorrow morning!!”
“I’m sorry but I can’t, I don’t have any of the info required to send it to the lab”
“Ill give you whatever the hell info you need including my social and PIN number, I have to take this”
“I’m sorry, I can’t”
Lord fucking Jesus, how could I fuck this up – One day! I had 1 fucking day in the window to take it (the number before the one on my plane tickets) and I fucked it up!
I called Emily at work in a panic. Then I remembered another coworker, Logan, had went to Hawaii recently and had to do one of these so I called him. He suggested this clinic…. I pulled over and started searching for Rapid PCR Tests near me and I found 1, like 1.5 hrs. away, taking walk-ins.
Sorry boss-man, taking an extended lunch today, totally not due to my own negligence.
So, I finally get to this place at about 12:30 and the Bitch-At-The-Fold-Out-Table(BOTFOT) goes, “sorry, we’re going to lunch”.
Me: Ok when does lunch get over?
BATFOT: 1 pm
Another BATFOT: We’re full for today though, I’m sorry.
Me: Um, it says you’re taking walk-ins
BATFOT: yeah, but we’re super booked, you’ll be waiting a long time.
Me: That’s fine. I have to get this test; I will wait as long as it fucking takes (smiling with my teeth). I have a flight tomorrow and I have to get this test.
BATFOT: Ooookaaay. Well let me get some info and you can wait out in your car. You’ll get a link texted to you where you can register and then you’ll receive another message when we’re ready for you.
Me: great!
I get back out to the truck and receive the link, in which it estimates my appointment time for 8 fucking PM. I can’t make this shit up! 7 hours and fucking 15 minutes from then. I chose not to cry and instead go get a Starbucks.
About 30 minutes later, I get a text. I almost cried.
I go in and she asks me what kind of test I want. I don’t know, the fucking covid one that I can get results for today?? Jesus. She asks if I’m going to Hawaii and I tell her no, Egypt. The bitchiest one at TFOT then proceeds to argue with me that a PCR test won’t work for my travel requirements and spends like 20 minutes looking it up on the Egyptian Embassy website. I was 30 seconds away from saying:
Bitch, just do your fucking job and put my God Damn name in that computer of yours and move the fuck on, this is not your problem or job, your job is to Type – so do you’re fucking job and Ill do mine!
In retrospect, I’m glad I didn’t because I’d be embarrassed saying that right now because I obviously didn’t do my job lol
Anyways, longer story long, I get the test and receive negative results in like 10 minutes and then I go back to work.
At about 8 pm. That night I realized I left all the shit
I printed out for my flights at work. Again, I can’t make this shit up. So I pack my kid up and head back to Silverton (40 min drive) and retrieve my shit.
By now you are probably wondering how I made it home alive: you are not alone.
T MINUS 1 HOUR UNTIL TAKE-OFF
I don’t think I went over the details of my flights earlier. Well, it’s a doozy.
2 hour flight to LAX
3 hour layover
12 hour flight to Paris
8 hour layover
5.5 hour flight to Egypt
I had tried to quit smoking (down to 1 a day) but even for a non-smoker, this was going to be rough. But I had a plan (besides the 30 packs of Nicorette gum I brought but never used).
It consisted of Booze & Tylenol PM.
A Single White Female 