Not many people could be me.

Not because I’m so smart or extraordinary in any particular way, but because they would probably would have been committed by their twenties.

I hear people complain about forgetting something or doing something stupid and the frustration in their voice always causes me to giggle inside.

If only they knew….

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First, I need to mention that I woke up yesterday to cat shit and puke all over my bedroom rugs. My whole house is hardwood except for the rugs they unleashed their insides out on. I saw one pile when I first woke up and discovered the other two when I stepped in one (barefoot) as I was tossing a handful of bras in the other.

Back to this morning

Woke up. Showered. Realize I’m out of my normal strip lashes and proceed to use the pack of singles I had. 15 minutes later I conclude they look like shit and tear them all off. F-lashes today, I’m going downy status.

I go back in my bedroom and start grabbing clothes to put on. As I grabbed my bra, a little piece of me died inside as I felt the cold, mushy, shit smash between my fingers while simultaneously getting a whiff of my cats’ rancid ass.

I threw the bra away, along with a few other under-garments within the vicinity.

NEEDED CONTEXT: I have a full-time job and make decent money, but I like to travel and spend money [when I want] and [thankfully] don’t mind working: so I got myself a second job serving at Applebee’s a few times a week. I have my 3^rd shift tonight. The 2^nd was a shit-show, initiated by a misunderstanding which led me to not bring my work shirt to that shift.

Back to my morning

I am not forgetting any work shit today!!!!

Grabbed 2 pairs of pants, 2 pairs of shoes, my shirt, nametag, and card and mindfully put them in the truck.

I finally get my sons ass out of bed and dressed and tell him to get in the truck. He’s adamant on taking the Jeep.

Okay, f-it, we’ll take the Jeep.

I run to the truck, grab all my shit and the carseat, bring it to the jeep, load up the minion and push the button to start the Jeep.

“Key Fab Not Found”. Fuck.

I run all over my house looking for the key FOB, without luck.

At this point we’re about to miss the bus so I hurry up and grab all our shit and start throwing it back in the truck (including my child and his car seat). As I go to buckle him in, I see the key FOB on the floor of the back seat. Lovely.

I double, then triple check I have all my Applebee’s shit. I do.

Per my 6-year-olds “request”, we listened to “Red Line” over and over and over again until the bus showed up.

We get to the bus stop by 6:35 am. Bus used to come at 6:30 but the bus driver left me a message saying it was going to start coming 10 minutes later. To me, that means 6:40. Apparently, in bus driver, it means 6:58.

I listened to “Red Line” from 6:16 to 6:58 am.

At some point during that time,  my brain wondered off I  thought to myself –

“hmmm, I really wish Applebee’s had a freaking shirt for me…and a server book….or at least a damn apron lol… this is getting ghetto…. Oh wait, didn’t I get an Apron?? Yeah I did….FUCK, I FORGOT MY FUCKING APRON!!”

Bus comes at 6:58. I run back home, get the apron, then drive back, past the bus stop and to my work, arriving by about 7:58 am. 2 min early.

Today is going to be a good day.

Spoiler alert: I ended up getting done with a meeting in Portland at the end of the day and went straight home. I had about 25 minutes to spare before I had to leave, so I really didn’t need to go back and get the apron this morning… then I went to work…. cleaned for 45 minutes…. then they sent me home without getting one single table.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day.